I think our parents were right about the significance of our choice of friends and that you can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps.

I am thankful for undeserved forgiveness on a large and small scale, from God and people.

People never cease to amaze me.
And I've learned that time doesn't make people nicer.

A Running List of Live Music Adventures

Guns n Roses
Neil Diamond
Amy Grant
Widespread Panic
James Taylor
Sting
Squeeze
Dave Matthews
Big Head Todd
Matthew Sweet
Duncan Sheik
Elton John
Barenaked Ladies
Eric Clapton
Paul Simon
Bob Dylan
John Mayer
Counting Crows
Sara Groves
Lenny Kravitz
Ray Charles
Dwight Yoakam
Deana Carter
Willie Nelson
Jerry Jeff Walker
Martina McBride
Django Walker
Alabama
REM
Phil Collins
Alan Jackson
Miranda Lambert
Steven Curtis Chapman
Shane and Shane
Mercy Me
Ginny Owens
Shaun Groves
Jimmy Buffett
Natalie Merchant
Sheryl Crow
Nichole Nordeman
Dave Barnes
Matt Wertz
James Morrison
Teddy Thompson
Faith Hill
Tim McGraw
Paolo Nutini
Lyle Lovett
Jonny Lang
Jeremy Lister
Ben Harper
Train
Amos Lee
Rocco DeLuca
Jewel
ZZ Top
Lynard Skynard
Hootie and the Blowfish
Sister Hazel
Toby Keith
Jon McLaughlin
Gabe Dixon
Tyler Hilton
Kenny Chesney
Marc Broussard
Mat Kearney
Ben Folds
Stevie Wonder
The Decemberists
The Killers
Steve Miller
Keb Mo
Third Day
Casting Crowns
Billy Joel
Bruce Springsteen
Jamie Cullum
Robert Earl Keen
Van Morrison
Norah Jones
Ingrid Michaelson
My Morning Jacket
Neil Young
Carrie Underwood
Robert Cray Band
Bryan Adams
Brandi Carlile
Jason Mraz
Pico vs. Island Trees
Andy Davis
Sixpence None the Richer
Jars of Clay
Gavin DeGraw

Faith and Fear

A few weeks ago, I heard something I don't think I have ever heard in such a way. In so many words:

Fear stems from a lack of believing that God is good.

It is true, and it is frighteningly true when you really think about it.

"Our Lord's confidence in God, and in what God's grace could do for anyone, was so perfect that he never despaired, never giving up hope for any person."
-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest
WOW!

"The men where you live," said the little prince, "raised 5000 roses in the same garden-and they do not find in it what they are looking for." "They do not find it," I replied, "And yet what they are looking for can be found in one single rose or in a little water." "Yes, that is true," I said and the little prince added: "But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart..."
-Antoine de Saint-Expuery, The Little Prince

"I fear nothing. I am free."
-Nios Kazantzakis

Here's to more looking at life with my heart, and embracing in everything the truth that God is good. Fear does steal our freedom.

If there was a movie like It's a Wonderful Life with a view of my life thus far and what things would look like if I had no fear and completely and utterly lived every day believing that I could let go and let God work as He wants to, in every way, to the maximum in every area of my life, I have a feeling I would be overwhelmed with sorrow.

Who knew?

I did; no, I suspected. I didn't know. I just didn't know.

I had the opportunity to go out to San Francisco for work and turned 4 days of work into a 10 day fun trip. I had such a great time soaking up the land.

San Fran, loved it!
Suburbia on the east side of the bay, looked like Ireland or New Zealand!
Muir Woods, reminded me of Emily Leonard.
Sausalito, may look like nowhere else I've been.
Sonoma, cute houses. Lovely and inviting!
Napa, more cute houses...and lots of churches.
Wine country in gen'l, WOW! Rich blue skies, billowy clouds, the greenest greens!
Carmel, b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.!!! Everything about it. Adorable!
Monterey, I saw a rainbow over the ocean!
Yosemite...greeted me with a last minute snow storm, and I am thankful!

I had a great time snapping pictures and taking it all in. There is just so much to do. I will go back to really explore what I was lucky enough to see.

If you know, you're lucky.
If you don't, then you should change that!
Southwest flies into San Fran, San Jose and Oakland. Nowadays, you can find an affordable car and hotel. And, I think it's worth every penny.

ramblings

I love Panera Bread and always get the same thing.
I rarely go there in Nashville, but I love going there when I am traveling for work.
Life on the road would not be nearly as happy for me without it.

Today for the first time ever, I had it for lunch and dinner, and I am good with that. Tomato soup/greek salad for lunch in Louisville. Tomato soup/greek salad for dinner in Lexington.

I almost always get it to go.
I do a lot of things by myself, but I don't like to eat at Panera by myself.

Sometimes they get a little mixed up and make a greek salad with no tomotoes and no olives (chicago) or they give me 2 spoons and no fork (tonight). It doesn't change the way I feel. I would eat it more often if there were locations in more places.

And, it is always great to know you can depend on Panera when you need to get online !

And, I love big cities.

While I was in Chicago, I stumbled upon a Loehmanns while visiting a Nordstrom Rack. LOEHMANN'S. NO WAY! I thought they went out of business several years ago. There was one in Mobile when I was in middle school and I remember going there with my still "cool" friend Philicia who had just moved to Mobile from Slidell, LA. L's is known for their "backroom," as in uno grande fitting room. They now offer the backroom and standard ones. But there is no limit to how many items you may have in "the backroom."

AND, they were having a 60 percent off sale...
AND there was a TCBY RIGHT NEXT DOOR!!!! with 5 flavors I love. Just so you know, I sometimes leave because there are no flavors of interest. A TCBY sandwiched between NR and L's. Man, Chicago sure is a great place to visit.

My previous and first trip to Chi town was during the month of May, and it was pretty cold. This year in March, it snowed the first 2 days and was in the 60's by the end of the week!

I got a pretty darn fantabulous hotel room in downtown at an affordable rate and worth every penny of the add'l 37 dollars a day they charged to park the car. Hey, I had in and out priveleges, and it was 100 percent valet. People who are oh so lucky enough to live in the area park here too, for a large sum I am sure. They know the valets, who by the way seem have been working in this garage for 25 plus years. I think it's entirely possible. I sat at the bar of at a little d'town restaurant, and the bartender had been there since the 70's. Oh, the big city life. Oh, Chicago.

Onto other news ultimately related to my trip, I like to order one caramel AND one hot fudge sundae at McDonald's and eat both! So, I did just that on my lovely walk back to the hotel after a fun night of exploring. And I found out that McD's can be a crazy late night place filled with up-to-no-good'ers. I was a little scared in a healthy way! But it was all good. There were also homeless people congregating and peddling. I don't mind that though. While there, I met a sweet little girl who showed me her unopened box of farm peeps, as in marshmallow peeps. Her mom didn't want her to bother me, but I was pretty touched that she picked me out of the crowd. So, her mom warmed up to me at the soda station and let her show me. I explained that I work in the field of education and love the little ones.

I heard a whole lot of people speaking French while I was there, and I thought that was pretty random.

Ahhh, Chicago.

Murphy

Amy and I have a sweet, sweet doggie. And it is very interesting and telling how he is with us.

A little background---he was groomed and crate trained and a very good doggie with a collar but no tag when he showed up on our mom's front porch. Thinking about that now is so unbelievable. Our little Murph man out in the great big world all on his own. Neighbors coming together, posting signs, checking petfinders...nothing turned up on our little homeless doggie. Amy went down to pick him up and had him for 2 weeks before I met him. Amy is his master, and she would be even if I had picked him up and known him first. She has that gift. He immediately had separation anxiety from her. Not good, but I won't go there!!!

It is better now, but he LOVES his Amy. He protects her (by barking) from noises I make such as walking up the stairs to go to my room...or stepping out of my bed in the morning...or turning on the water in my bathroom. However, he does NOT E.V.E.R. bark at Amy in protection of me. What a rascal. I tell him I was there before he was, but he doesn't hear me. :)

Amy and I think he is from a big city and may have lived in a high rise. He sits up high on our stairs...eye level with the top of the front door to look out, and he didn't like to go out into the yard at all when we got him. He will sit on the covered porch while you are out in the yard! And, he still prefers to be walked, on the l e a s h. We have to spell it, or he will go bonkers with excitement. If you say the word "go' in conversation, he may get all excited and start happily barking and wanting to be picked up. And, he likes to be carried on the hip like a baby, which I sometimes forget is not a standard dog quality.

He has allergies. I guess he fits right in with us.
And he licks the bottom of his feet. And he will lick them raw. So, we, of course, as loving parents, fuss at him about this. And the other day, I heard him and walked over to the bed to tell him to stop, and he played opossum. Seriously? Yes. He is s.m.a.r.t. and a big ole sweet mess. He likes our herb garden and often smells like herbs from doing whatever he does, shy of rolling around in it...and lately he helps himself to herb garden snacks.

I love him, love him, love him. And he loves me. But he loves, loves, loves Amy. She has always had this affect on animals. My sweet sister who asked for a horse every year for Christmas and wanted to be a vet when she was a little one, Amy.

Amy takes great care of him. I take care of him, schmare of him. You know what I mean? She has the touch. He kind of demands a lot of me!! and doesn't listen to me so much. Yeah, not really. He totally cooperates with her. He knows I will usually give him what he wants, (which Amy does too), but that doesn't mean he will love me any more. He listens to Amy and she is his boss, his mama.

He knows what the word "work" means...and he does not like it.
And, he is not too fond of suitcases either.
He brings a lot of love to our home.

We wonder if someone is looking for him. And we talked about it last weekend. We would love to know who he is and where he came from and what his story is. But in unison, we both thought to ourselves that we would NOT give him back! Now we can't bear to think about life without him either.

today was a workout for a tender heart

I installed a Make A Wish computer today, and the mom is the strongest woman ever, and the boy was precious. And after a good 5 hours of being there and it being near his bedtime, he grabbed onto my arm and pinched me with a death grip...and when I said, "Oh, you're pinching me :\" and maybe "Oh, don't do that," he squeezed harder and pinched me like I have never been pinched before in my entire life and then grabbed my hair as I was kind of wincing aloud, reluctantly/timidly (out of respect for the delicacy of the matter), "He's PNCHNG me" in hopes of his mom coming back and rescuing me. It hurt and stung. And the pain, which was so bad that my shirt touching me arm was like AAAAH! :(, lingered for an hour or so. I got into my car and called my mama and cried and cried. And, it wasn't about the physical pain. It hurt my feelings a little (if i am honest) even though it shouldn't. He is non-verbal and has behavior challenges but is delightful and had been interacting with me kindly up until then. For some reason it just opened up the floodgates. I feel for the mom. And I feel for the boy. And these installs are always a blessing...and a little rough on the heart...and for some reason the pinch just opened up my tender spot. The mom told me that if she had known he would not be able to make sounds after his tracheotomy when he was a baby, she would have recorded him crying so she could have it to hear. She remembers it. And, that just breaks me. He weighed 1 pound when he was born, at 25 weeks...and that was 17 years ago. He was meant to live.

so much to get off of my chest

I often want to blog about things when I am driving and thinking but then never do it once I am home or in my hotel room. So, tonight, I am going to get it all off of my chest the best I can.

I have been emotional lately...
but not in a reading a sad story or hearing a sad song kind of emotional. I've been feeling deeply emotional about big things. I have been thinking a lot about how many people I know who don't know Jesus. And, I of course should always be burdened by this, but recently it's different. I have just really been thinking about how much I take for granted that God is with us. And with all of the evil that is here and spinning out of control, I really can't imagine spending eternity in a place separated from the source of all that is good. And neither can people who don't know Christ.

some thoughts (in random order)

So, I haven't written in a long time. But today, as I drove, I realized I wanted to put some things down on paper. Here goes.

1. God has placed dear friends in my life that make a big difference in my life.

2. My next door neighbor cutting my front yard made me cry.

3. I have stayed with the company I work for through a whole lot of crud...and as I drove today, I was reminded that one of the reasons I stay...is the opportunity I have to see such amazing beauty as I drive around.

4. Paolo Nutini rocks!

5. While driving in Jackson, Mississippi this afternoon after a pretty long day, I found myself blaring the the radio when the new Gavin DeGraw song came on...and much to my surprise I was belting it out. In the past, I have questioned Amy's serious love for Gavin (that may not sound nice, but I am just being honest)...and now that I have seen him in concert, I think the love has spread.

6. Home improvements are cleansing for me like a long walk or a good run.

7. I love it when books I am reading or sermons I hear or conversations that come up with friends have overlapping themes that are relevant to where I am with my walk.

8. I am trying to appreciate God more and give Him the praise He deserves.

9. I am also working to clean out some things that I carry around in my heart...and to stop doing things (big and small) that don't add to the good (with regards to me and/or others).

10. I feel closer to God when I kneel to pray.

11. I am really thankful that God is giving me this time with Amy, and I long for her to have a full life.

So much of life is a mystery. And the older I get, the more I should understand yet the more I realize I don't. The more I see, the more I realize that life is complex. And the more I know myself, the more I realize that wanting to be and being aren't the same. It takes work and discipline to grow in Christ. I mean I know that. We all know that. But I think I have come to this point where I am seeing for myself how easy it is to float along as a believer...and end up going nowhere. God's will isn't always going to align with my desires, and I'm not going to just fall into it without seeking it with passion.

I have always been a thinker, and I wake up occasionally feeling overwhelmed about life and death and God and earth and what I am doing while I am here. I worry about my family. I wonder about what's to come. I get overwhelmed trying to grasp it all, the seriousness of it all.

And, I have allowed myself to not spend enough time with God. Despite my neglect, God has been restoring me. He has restored a certain joy and motivation for Him, in me, that makes me feel like the me I need to be...something I know and miss when it's not there. When Jeff Helton introduced the study of Philippians, I found myself excited for the first time in a while. I have struggled a lot with mediocrity I think for the past 2 years. I am ready to get rid of some of my clutter and things that are not productive for the kingdom and do more of what He made me to do. So, these are things that should be a given; I realize that. It's a shame. I know it. But seriously I feel God at work in me...and I can't take any credit. And I am so thankful.

I'm back from a much needed vacation at the beach. I know everyone doesn't love sand and salt water and hot weather, but I do. I plopped down near the water and rested my weary overworked body and overloaded, busy mind. I walked on the beach, finished reading My Name is Asher Lev, read a just for fun novel that was very enjoyable, and started another book. The moon was BEAUTIFUL while we were down there. I fried shrimp from start to finish for the first time in my life (peeled, de-veined, made batter, battered, and fried them myself.) That was exciting. I ate delicious seedless watermelon, didn't dry my hair for 5 days ha ha!, and made rice krispy treats and ate lots of them. I also watched Hell's Kitchen, Cash Cab, Iron Chef, and Big Brother at my leisure. :) I can't lie. It was exciting to have cable for a few days!

I didn't get to spend enough time with my family, but I did get to spend some good time with each of them and am thankful. I think we are all in agreement that we should get together for vacation more often.

Skip Prosser died. That tore me up a little.

Now I'm back and ready to get some things in order.